Let me talk a little bit about the two things I really love most in life. The first one is, obviously, Albert. I mean, he's probably one of everybody's most beloved, right? Duh. Who doesn't love the most wonderful puddy this side of the Ring Nebula. But can you guess the other? No, it's not my current partner. Nope, not the flute. =Ennnnk!= No, it's not my bestest bud and lifetime associate, Ja'ar, or language, or cycling, or hiking, or the beach, or Europe, or Germans, or text books either.

 

I truly friggin' love Queer Eye for the Straight Guy. Holy Gawd. Love it. I can watch a full twelve hours of my Boys before I even need my second wind. In fact, I was just watching them. They're in Vegas right now. The aesthetic, gastronomical, social, fashionable, philosophical genii; the wicked pisser awesomeness that are the Fab Five. Oh, it's amazing. I could have just lost an arm, and if Queer Eye is on, it would make everything better. All you need is Carson. It's like gay crack, and I'm a huge addict. Seriously, I need help.

 

In fact, most of the Bravo shows are a part of my regularly scheduled life, though none can compare with QE. Runway, D-List, Top Chef, The Restaurant, the now-defunct Project Greenlight; all fine shows. Oh yeah, The Dog Whisperer and The Crocodile Hunter are also MVP's when they're on. Eh, everyone needs a guilty pleasure. It's not even likie I watch that much TV-- I mean, the average is way less than an hour or two per day; about fifteen minutes of news while I drink coffee in the morning, then maybe The Nightly News at dinner. Just... you know... if I see The Boys on, I watch them, as that is my wont. Otherwise all I watch are, like, CSPAN, CSPAN2, CNN, PBS, BBC America, CNN International, Deutsche Welle, and N-TV. But you best be backin' up if my QE is on.

 

I just needed to share that with you all. Now, we move on with my real thought of the day, which, now that I think of it, is not nearly as verbose as my thoughts on the Fab Five. Here it is:

 

Recumbent bikes are weird. Recumbent stationary bikes are weirder. Recumbent stationary bikes with plush, leather apholstered seats are freakin' ridiculous. More so if you select the heart rate-based program and the heart monitor swears that your pulse is not going up past 90bpm so it automatically increases itself to Uebermensch.

 

Do you know how sweaty I was after that today? The gym here is neither well air conditioned nor well ventilated, and it's Texas, for Pete's sake, so it's hot enough anyway. Crikey, it felt like working out in Pa's Kettle's favorite arm chair; doing something just not meant to be done on a given piece of equipment. Like, have you ever had to sit on a toilet, but not because you had to use it? Maybe you needed to tie a shoe, or wash the cat, or brush your little cousin's hair or something, but the lid is up, so you're sitting there in your pants, and your butt can feel the toilet, and it's weird, so much so that you know that the toilet itself is getting confused, because it's really that awkward, and you shift around, but that makes it even weirder, 'cause now you've got a wedgie, and you're all like, "Gah." Yeah, like that. I'd rather not hang out in a puddle of my own sweat in the first place, but in a ultra-nice chair-like saddle? Get outta here.